November marks Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month, which aims to reduce the stigma around seeking support for mental health issues, as well as raising awareness of how problems with mental health can affect men and boys.
Initiatives such as these are hugely important because in my experience as a counsellor, young males are often still more reluctant to reach out for help and talk about their mental health. It’s true that the stigma around counselling has much reduced over the last decade or two, but statistics show that male mental health remains a big issue. Dying by suicide is the number one cause of death for men under 35 whilst the Childline phone support line reports that the proportion of boys and girls contacting the service is 1:5, suggesting that many boys and young men are striving to manage their problems alone.
Success is no guarantee of good mental health
The recent tragic case of former One Direction band member Liam Payne (whose cause of death at the time of writing was undetermined), has once again highlighted the struggles that young men can face. If any good can come from his very sad death it may be demonstrating to boys and young men that anyone can struggle with mental health issues – even a successful pop star who may seem to have everything he could want. It’s not a sign of weakness – in fact, it takes courage and strength to admit to needing help.
In my own practice, I still see many more girls than boys, although once they come to counselling, I have found that boys participate well and are just as open as girls, despite the stereotype of the monosyllabic teenage boy. It seems that once that first step of recognising they need external support and reaching out is overcome, boys are very able to access and engage.
Why are boys and men more reluctant to seek support for their mental health?
Even though society and views of gender differences have evolved, the myth that ‘real men don’t cry’ still persists in some social groups, families and cultures. In some circles, boys are still expected to ‘man up’ and be tougher than girls. But physical strength is not the same as mental strength, and we all have our vulnerabilities and individual struggles, irrespective of our gender.
So, whilst it is accepted, and maybe even expected, that girls are emotional and open; boys are still often expected to just get on with it. They may not have a significant male carer in their family or if they do, that male may not be used to showing their own emotions, therefore missing an opportunity to model to younger boys how to express the emotions that they feel. Groups of boys also tend to be less open with their friends than female groups. They may fear ridicule if they admit to fears or anxieties, with others, trying to fulfill an outdated and inaccurate male stereotype.
Early intervention matters
However, mental health issues rarely go away on their own, and problems that start in childhood can often escalate if not identified and managed, which is why early intervention is so important. Without a means to identify, understand and process difficult emotions, boys may revert to unhealthy coping mechanisms and risky behaviours such as using alcohol or drugs, self-harm (yes, boys self-harm too) aggressive behaviour or even taking their own life.
What to look for
There are certain signs to look for if you have concerns about a young male that you know. On their own, these factors may not signify a problem with mental health, but if several of these behaviours are present and have been going on for some time, it may indicate that there is a need to have a conversation about what support the young person may need.
- A significant drop in academic performance or a new and significant reluctance to go to school
- Constant mood swings or consistent low mood
- Loss of appetite/not eating properly
- Social isolation – reluctance to meet with friends inside or outside the home depending on age
- Lack of interest or withdrawal from activities they used to enjoy (if still age appropriate)
- Extreme and constant fatigue
- Unusual outbursts of temper or anger
- Trouble sleeping
Of course, teenagers in particular can exhibit changes in behaviour due to hormones, stresses from school and social situations etc. However, it is important to be alert to any significant changes in behaviour and new/concerning behaviours that go on for a long time.
Free consultations available at Archway Health and Wellbeing
As boys are sometimes more hesitant about trying therapy, the free 20 minute consultation that I offer at Archway Health and Wellbeing can be particularly important in helping the young person decide whether they want to give counselling a go. To book a free consultation with no obligation, call 01858 410 820 or email admin@archwayhealth.co.uk.