The festive season can be a difficult time for many people, even children. We tend to think of Christmas as a magical time for them, but some of the young people that I speak to dread December. So what triggers their anxiety and how can parents help?
Part of the issue around Christmas is the incredibly long build up – the shops sometimes start promoting gifts and special offers before the children have even returned to school from their summer break. This sense of drawn out anticipation often creates unrealistic expectations, shared by the whole family, of the ‘perfect Christmas’ – followed by intense disappointment or a sense of anti-climax when it doesn’t happen. We are fed images of happy, excited children and doting adults gathering around the Christmas tree when the reality is often very different.
Why is Christmas sometimes difficult for young people?
There are many reasons why young people can find Christmas difficult: bereavement, family tensions, parental separation or blended families coming together, social pressure, isolation from friends, unrealistic expectations – the list is pretty long, but these are some of the ones that I find crop up frequently in the therapy room.
Overwhelm – excessive noise, large groups of people, frequent socialising etc. can all create a feeling of overwhelm, particularly in neurodivergent people. But even a neurotypical young person can struggle with overwhelm during the festive period. They may need to take a break, spend time in their room or be somewhere quiet. This isn’t them being anti-social or sulking; it’s merely giving them time to reset and recharge their social battery if they need it.
Lack of structure and disrupted routines – while not being at school is a relief for many children, especially after the long, dark autumn term, they can also struggle when the structure that school or college provide is taken away. Routines often change during the holidays, with different sleep patterns and busy schedules which can prove unsettling.
High expectations – many of us have unrealistically high expectations of what Christmas will be like. However, put lots of family members in a room together for an extended period of time; add in alcohol, presents and the pressure to feel happy, behave perfectly or be consistently sociable, and you have much potential for arguments and dysregulation, creating feelings of guilt or shame in both parents and children.
Sensory overload – this is a particular issue for neurodivergent young people. Your Christmas tree, fairly lights and Christmas playlist may all feel very jolly, but even neurotypical children can have sensory sensitivities which may be triggered by frequent exposure to lights, noise and busy spaces.
What are the signs that a child might be struggling at Christmas?
Things to watch out for include:
- Withdrawal or appearing unusually quiet
- Irritability or frequent emotional outbursts
- Trouble sleeping or nightmares
- Loss of interest in things they normally enjoy
- Stomach aches, headaches, or other psychosomatic symptoms
- Clinginess or separation anxiety
- Disordered eating or loss of appetite
How can parents help?
It’s important to give a child space and understanding if they seem to be struggling with the festivities. Prepare them for what is happening during the holidays by sharing any plans with them so they know the timetable in advance; this will help give them a sense of control. Maintain some routine where possible and ensure there are some opportunities for you all to take a break from socialising and visitors at some point over the Christmas period. It’s also important to give your child some say in which events they attend, and to allow them to verbalise when they need to take a break to help reduce anxiety or overwhelm. And don’t forget to spend some calm time together doing simple things like taking walks, baking or playing quieter games.
Bear in mind that Christmas doesn’t have to be perfect – so strive to have realistic expectations of yourself and your family and hopefully you will all have a happier festive season.
Free consultations
I offer free 30-minute consultations at Archway Health and Wellbeing to help you and your child decide if counselling could be helpful to them. Call 01858 410 820 or email admin@archwayhealth.co.uk to find out more.